Okay, NOW I can kinda go into freak-out mode.

I'm *still* looking for a job...and I've noticed recently that since I quit mine and have been out of work, there has been a lot less food in our cupboards. So now I've figured out where most of that money went that dad was asking me for. Honestly, if I had known this I would NOT have quit like that. I thought he was just asking for it to pay the bills he'd been flaking on *He's not exactly the most reliable with deadlines or budgets...* So I'm going to try and not go into full panic mode here...

I've been really hesitant about giving him money because my younger siblings are ALWAYS pressuring him into buying expensive things, we live way beyond our means here. Like a few weeks ago my brother was pissing and bitching about not having a proper mountain bike, so he suddenly came home with an $800 one and my dad said it was either the bike or bills. So right now he owes he a few thousand, which I really need right now to pay my own bills and tuition. It's starting to look a little grim though, I mean if he can't give me my money when I need it I'm kinda screwed.

I'm also worried about getting OSAP this year, all the money I had saved up is gone by no fault of my own but I went and talked to my aunt today. If I can't get OSAP I could always take out a student line of credit, of course I have no idea if OSAP will hold off on my payments until I'm done school if I can't take out another loan with them.

Other worries? I still have no idea what I want to do as a job or career. I'm taking this year to try and rebuild a portfolio, but everything out there I would really like to do has other academic requirements that I just can't meet. University level english? This isn't a case of 'apply yourself moar!' if I did that I'd be taking one course a semester with classes like that Dx My brain takes waaaay too long to process those kinds of ideas and concepts. And I would like to have an art based or creative career, but as of the last few years I know I just don't have it in me anymore. Maybe I'm just in a rut?

It seems like everyone else my age is taking off and starting their lives, I'm still sitting here filling out applications to serve people donuts and wondering what my worth is.

This is just to vent, I'm not asking for advice or sympathy. This is my own problem. It's my fault I'm so nervous all the time, I sweat in fear just standing in line to pay for something at the store. Don't know why it happens, but I really need to just get over it.





Clubs 'n other fromage


This also gets my seal of approval

Fan art account
My LJ [link] Add me if you like! ^^
TEH DOODLE BLOG [link]



Linda Jean Young: Oct 24, 1960-May 24 2005
*rest in peace mom*